Monday, March 14, 2005

journal entry, 3-14, late

The Albuquerque International Sunport (with the snow falling outside in chunks from the grey sky) is where the revelations hit me: I need to step into the 21st Century. A cell phone is no longer enough. I need a lap top – preferably an Apple. I also need an IPod or an MP3 player or a small device that holds a million songs. I also need a PDA or a "hand held" or an organizer that will double as my second brain to keep all my little appointments and meetings in one electronic drawer, safe and sound and accessible when I need it. Pencil and paper are no longer enough. Paperback books for entertainment are passé. The internet has replaced the glossies. Earbuds are the new payphones. If the folks at the Albuquerque International Sunport are wired in, then by God, what the fuck am I doing using a damn chisel and stone?

I am a caveman. At least I’m a caveman trying to look cool.

I’m standing there in the B line, wearing my cool black sneakers, my red conversation t-shirt, my new black dinner jacket that Dad scored second hand, and my new briefcase courtesy of Mom. I’ve got my messy LA hair and my cell phone. I’m important. I feel important. I AM IMPORTANT.

I’m no longer from this LAND. This Land of Enchantment. I’m too “West Coast” for all this. This is just a novelty for me.

“I’ve going to the office once I land and then I have a dinner meeting in Orange County.”

There. Was that important enough for you?

That feels better. That little validation. That little self assurance that when this big fish lands on the west coast, he’ll be just another cod hitting the walls of his private, wheeled fish tank on the 405 – stopping and going, stopping and going.

It’s no matter, I think, that when I’m here, I’m really there, or that when I’m there I’m really here. The world has shrunk so that it doesn’t even matter where your eyes opened and where your eyes will close. Times zones mean nothing. Weather systems and climates mean nothing. Hell, smiles and frowns are the same when you’re out there, trying to fell important.

What really is important is that love that you can’t put on paper or in your paperback or in your IPod or you laptop or your cell phone or your cool new jacket. No. None of that fits anywhere in your life because it is too big for you. Too immense for you to measure or hold or grasp. All of it is too much, too much.

But go ahead and be a man. Go ahead and conquer the world while you can. Nothing is stopping you but you.

If you could just bottle all that up and drink it. How good you would feel. …How very good you would feel...
oh that bottle gets me in trouble...
Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?